The Mask Project Reflection

By Bella Conradi

 

In this project, we dug into vast amounts of psychological and sociological content that identified how we’ve been socialized in gender, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, etc. We found our feelings upon that, and how society has affected the way we live our lives. This project really made us think very big, in ways that I personally had avoided before. We focused on some of our world’s biggest issues, to define whether we’ve been affected by the topics of discrimination or not, or if we've perpetuated the cycle unknowingly. We read sophisticated, honest content such as The Cycle of Socialization by Bobbie Harro, and took time to deeply analyze it. After that, we critically absorbed and analyzed films such as The Mask You Live In, Miss Representation, White People, and Mean Girls (favorite). We took the Implicit Bias Test, a Harvard Study survey, to figure if we have opinions biasing our extrinsic environment unknowingly. We explored the difference between race and ethnicity, a commonly mixed up and confused topic, and learned that both are socially constructed, and two completely separate topics. All and all, we learned about loads of social content that wouldn’t appear as as much in our everyday lives as they did in class, gaining a higher understanding of what we experience as result of our socializations.

 

My effort was spread far and wide across this project, but I did not give up. As a homeschooler since forever, and a big writer with big ideas, I found it hard to fit into the box-like structure of a TEA paragraph. I am the squiggliest line you'll ever come across and I just can't be placed in such a structure. TEA paragraphs were mentally draining for me as a creative writer, but I still managed quite well. I persevered as much as I could, and ended up with my creativity still somewhat gleaming against my final essay, and in the format required. I refined, rewrote and proofread my essay almost every day after school, and ended up taking bits of pride in my final product. The mask was my favorite part. I chose a Van Gogh-ish scene to represent his title as the tortured artist, my belief as to what we all become if we silence our authenticity of human nature.

 

At first I felt that I couldn’t connect to the socialization concept, and I was quite uncomfortable with the topics at hand, especially as someone who didn't know it was this bad. Trying to pinpoint how I've been affected or not was scary, I didn't want to be a part of these topics at all. I've always thought that I'm such an outsider that I didn't even have a chance at being included in these topics. But then grew into deeply thinking about why I am who I am, "why do I feel insecurity sometimes?" And ended up with a product that didn’t necessarily “say it all”, but I’m quite pleased with it. I keep having the urge to tweak and shift it every time I think about it. It's like I keep learning more about myself every time I look over other people's projects. I’ve learned much of myself in this project, and that is something beautiful. 

 

I chose to go with confidence as my topic because I've grown repulsively tired of trying so hard to meet people's expectations. The only real thing for me, when I think about it has been swelling with worry that I don't look or act perfect to fit those around me. But no one does act or look, (because it's all how you view it) and it's repulsive to expect them to be perfection when it does not exist. I seek true beauty, and I've seen it from many, but it's never been about their looks. It's always about, to me, his incredibly warm and gentile smile that you can see is obviously genuine. Or the way she always talks in such a content, smooth and soft, relaxed manner, her honesty towards me. I'm slicing this raw, I've been inspired. The way they lift their head back laugh so light-heartedly Genuineness is the most beautiful thing to come across. I came back to update this blurb after I had just read the reflection of a boy who's smile lights up the room, or at least my whole day. He often tries to interest me in some wholesome laughter of a group of his friends, the kind of person I'd love to call a friend. He stated in his reflection that he made the conscious decision not to judge anyone by their appearance, and that made me realize how I'm not the only one. Thank you, kind, truly beautiful human. You are someone who we need in this world. It's people like this who are worthy of the title of beautiful. (Thanks again.) The realest reason I think we have the Socialization Project at Animas is so that folks can make the real change. Going off on this quest to try and validate and decode our terrible pasts of social norms is not what we're trying to do, really. It's trying to inspire the changes that we actually need. Not even necessarily to make it easier on future generations, but to live better lives as we. Whether it's small or big, it's big. Choosing not to judge people, that is what we need.

 

This project deeply impacted me as a student and a person. I learned so much. This project as a whole was a very growth-inducing experience, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to partake in it. I came into this project not knowing much about myself, about what on earth socialization or beauty standards are, or what normality was. I was very curious as to why I feel like I have to look a certain way to be validated as a "certified" human being. I came out with a new consciousness as to what our world is dealing with, and that made me think about what I can do to help the world be happier. It's uncertain as to what I'll do for our world yet, but I know it will be an impact of peacefulness and unity, whether large or small. I’m excited to move forward with our new projects, new knowledge, not-so much TEA paragraphs, but they're okay, and I'm most excited to find the other folks who are in agreement to a happier atmosphere.